Misspent Youth

Interlude #4

Brought to you by: Maizy’s Bar and Grill: A little touch of home in the Heart of Redmond

Government Announces End to Relief Efforts

Officials at FEMA today announced that they are suspending shipments of relief supplies to Redmond area after several food riots claimed the lives of nearly nearly two dozen agency workers and police. Agency spokeswoman Michelle Brown stated that the UCAS government was no longer prepared to “risk the lives of its employees and military personnel to enrich the SINless parasites preying on the good will of our fine citizens”. Ms. Brown was making reference to reports that crime organizations have been stealing relief shipments and selling them for massive profits to the desperate residents of the devastated region.

On a related note, UCAS military officials have released helmet-cam footage of the Hartman Park incident that sparked the food riots and cost the lives of five soldiers, four Lone Star officers and over two dozen Redmond residents. We warn viewers that the images are graphic and disturbing. The images clearly show several local gang members battling with security forces and stealing several vehicles even as the crowd surges forward to grab the desperately needed supplies. Officials have not yet released any information on the identities of the attackers, although there are unconfirmed reports that the pink and purple-clad troll seen in several shots may be former WWE competitor, Puncho Villa.

Tune in later today when we air an exclusive interview with Jocko Valins, the FEMA employee kidnapped from the Hartman Park riot, as he describes his harrowing ordeal at the hands of the brutal killers and his heroic escape in the face of overwhelming odds.

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